A subtle movement of the index finger

Estimated reading time 5 minutes.

We have just returned from a holiday in the northwest of Ireland, staying on the coast in County Sligo and walking the mountains and beaches. 

It’s a stunning area, rolling green countryside, quiet and often wet (well, it is Ireland). 

‘Watch out for the finger!’ my wife’s Irish friends had said to me, helpfully, when we stayed with them on the way through.

On our first long walk, as we stepped to the side of a quiet lane to allow a rare motorist to pass, my wife said:

‘Did you notice the finger signal?’

It was barely visible, the smallest movement of the index finger, only very slightly raised. But once you tuned into it, you could spot it and share back your own subtle signal to thank the driver for slowing down. 

During the rest of the holiday I noticed that nearly all the Irish number-plated cars who passed us gave this driving etiquette signal. In Ireland it’s a common way to acknowledge another driver's (or walker's) courtesy, especially when they've yielded or let you pass in a tight spot.

This was a helpful reminder to me of the importance of the subtle signs we need to be tuned into when safeguarding adults. 

Picking up on the ‘big’ signals, physical injury for example, is obviously more tangible: clearly something is wrong and needs follow-up. It’s the subtle or smaller signs of possible abuse which are perhaps more easily overlooked. They could be vital to trigger our attention so we can ask (when judged safe to do so) a simple question. It could be all that is needed for that person to tell you something of significance about what is happening to them.

Unlike more overt signs of abuse or mistreatment (see Types of abuse | Norfolk Safeguarding Adults Board), subtle indicators can blend into everyday behaviour, making it difficult for even close friends or family to detect. However, understanding these understated signs is essential for identifying and supporting individuals who may be suffering in silence.

One such sign might be social withdrawal. Adults who are being abused may begin to isolate themselves from friends, family or community activities. While this might be interpreted as a preference for solitude or a response to stress, it could also reflect a controlling relationship where the abuser limits their interactions with others. The victim may often duck out of attending gatherings because they’re ‘busy’ or ‘tired’, or they may excuse their partner’s controlling behaviour as ‘It’s just what they’re like, it doesn’t mean anything,’ or similar. 

Changes in personality or behaviour are also significant indicators. Someone who was once outgoing and confident may become anxious, quiet or easily startled. These shifts can be gradual and attributed to stress, ageing or work pressure, but they may in fact stem from emotional or psychological abuse. The individual might also seem overly eager to please or nervous about making mistakes, especially in the presence of a particular person.

Financial changes are another red flag. A previously independent person may suddenly seem unsure about their finances or overly dependent on someone else for money. They may mention not having access to their bank account, or not being allowed to make financial decisions, which could point to financial abuse or coercion.

Subtle communication cues are often more revealing than words. Someone being harmed may seem hesitant or overly cautious in conversation, especially when discussing their personal life or their partner. They might look to the abuser for approval before answering questions or frequently downplay their own needs and opinions.

Likewise, frequent or vague health complaints can mask deeper issues. Chronic headaches, gastrointestinal problems, or insomnia may be stress-related symptoms of ongoing abuse. The person may have frequent medical appointments without clear diagnoses, reflecting the toll abuse takes on both mental and physical health.

Lastly, reluctance to accept help or offers of support can be telling. Adults who are being abused may fear retaliation or may have internalised blame, believing they deserve the treatment they’re receiving. As a result, they may decline or resist intervention or even deny there’s a problem altogether.

Final thoughts

Recognising these subtle signs requires attentiveness, empathy, and a non judgmental approach. By staying observant and gently checking in, we can create a safe space for disclosure and potentially help someone escape a harmful situation before it escalates.

Whenever I talk with colleagues (from all different parts of the workforce), I’m reminded how well you might know the person you are working with and because of this, how well placed you are to spot subtle signs signalling abuse and harm.

If you have good ‘radar’, you often know when something is not right or slightly off. Trust your instinct and use it to ask the follow-on safeguarding question.

This could be something as simple as ‘Are you ok?’ or ‘Do you feel safe at home?’

To help keep the subtle signs of possible abuse in the forefront of our minds, please

• mention this to a colleague or
• raise it as a two-minute AOB reminder at your next team meeting.

These subtle signs might be abuse, and your actions could be key in helping to identify it and take action to stop it.

Thank you.

Walter Lloyd-Smith

Norfolk Safeguarding Adults Board Manager